.gay Music Monday Feature: TOMI

SECOND TO NUN 

Welcome to this week’s  OhHey.gay Music Monday Feature! This week we’re talking with psychedelic Mom-Rock mastermind Pam Autuori, aka TOMI. 

In her latest release, NUN, TOMI wrestles with vestigial religiosity (say that 5 times fast) while receiving… um… we’ll just call it nunnilingus. Her personality is every bit as vibrant as her music and I got to sit down with her to talk about both of these things for this Music Monday. If you’d like to see the full interview, check out the full MUSIC.GAY Podcast episode HERE.  

Hi, TOMI! What inspired you to start playing and making music? 

My dad played guitar… and so I'd always see him playing. I came out when I was 12 and there was something about playing guitar alone in my room… it was like no one would bother me because they could hear me playing, and I just was able to kind of express myself and have this honest conversation with myself without having to be like, “I am gay.” It was a lot of processing, and [music] was the thing that really saved me at the time… I would listen to, like, Alanis and Jewel, Sheryl Crowe, all the hits… and those women just gave me the confidence, to be like “I can play this game, too.” 

What is your “sound” and how do you get there? 

My voice came as I got older, so when I was in my teenage years, I started to listen to a lot of Tegan and Sarah, and I got more into that kind of indie rock scene, and that really inspired me and influenced the sonics of what I like. I love a dance beat. I love something that's like grooving and keeping things together. I also love drama, and that is so important. I love that big stadium rock… the ability to fill a room with sound.  

I always like to start with a really nice tone. Get the reverb popping…. so you feel like you're in an empty stadium. And then I honestly just like freestyle always - like just get melodies, see whatever spirit is overtaking the body. And just really wail as loudly as possible. It's a release, you know? It's like an energy release, which I think is really important with singers. It's one of the healthiest things you can do for your mind and your body.  

What themes do you find recurring in your music? 

The main one for me that I really want people to connect with is the feeling of loneliness and that feeling of rejection and deep sadness. I don't want to get too emo, but those feelings are so fluid. And I think some people like myself can hold onto bad feelings just to be like, “why do I feel like this? Why, why, why, why, why? How do I stop this?” And the feeling then gets resisted so you can't move through it. So I think a lot of the songs that I have are just like, “I'm feeling like shit today. I feel heartbroken today. I feel rejected. I feel insecure. Tomorrow is going to be better. Or I'm just going to sit with this and I know at some point it'll pass.”  And I think that's the main thing is it's all about emotion and accepting the weather of it. And it's okay to not know why it's raining. Like, if it's just raining. Let it. Let it rain.  

How does your queerness show up in your work, and why is it important for you to be out? 

It’s just a part of my story. I wouldn’t even be able to hide it. I love the gay community. It’s like nothing else. I’ve always loved it. It just is something... You get all walks of life. Some people you’d never meet and you’re just together because of this one thing. And I think that’s so cool and beautiful. You meet so many weirdos.

And it’s good to be proud. It’s the only way we move forward and get recognition and visibility and I think that’s really important still. Even as far as we’ve gotten… and I don’t wanna get too political, but even with abortion and womens’ rights, it’s like… we get so far, and the second you’re like “Ok we’re comfortable,” all this stuff is happening… so you can’t just give up the fight. 

What are you hungry for as an artist right now? 

I really just want to play more shows. The pandemic made me appreciate that so much more. Getting that out is the best feeling ever. I’m high for days just by performing and connecting with other people… there’s that connection I just don’t think you can describe. It’s not like you’re just sitting there having a conversation, you’re expressing so much more! 

 
To listen to the rest of TOMI’s interview, check out the MUSIC.GAY Podcast episode, IT’S ALL ABOUT EMOTION AND ACCEPTING THE WEATHER OF IT, HERE.